HAPPY LOVE…You can be wildly successful, no matter what your past looks like
Expert Interviews: Hailey Patry, The Lifted Lid
Tell us a little about The Lifted Lid:
I created this business to fully support you as you navigate through life’s challenges. Whether the challenges you face are within you, your relationship or your business, or even all three…there is hope and I am here for you. You deserve to be HAPPY, LOVED, and SUCCESSFUL. It’s time to live a life you LOVE and live your “life uncapped” (hence the name: “The Lifted Lid”, just in case you were wondering.)
I help men and women who are overwhelmed by multiple problems at once, to experience clarity, confidence, connection, peace of mind, happiness, and success. I help you heal the problems that seemed impossible to fix, in less than 90 days. You will love yourself, your results, and your life when we’re done!
I do this through private coaching for individuals and couples, as well as speaking, my 5 books, and my signature workshops.
What makes me different, is that I offer unlimited urgent support between sessions, so you’re not alone when you need help the most. Plus, you will actually graduate out of care and can look forward to becoming your own best support system when we’re done.
Please think of me when you hear someone is struggling and they don’t know where to get help. Especially if you hear of infidelity, I can definitely help.
Your referrals get a free coaching session with me because I love to help couples and individuals thrive.
I believe in happiness after depression, confidence despite anxiety, love after divorce, and healing after infidelity. I believe you can be wildly successful, no matter what your past looks like.
Some of the reasons you may want to connect with me:
- Your relationship is in a really bad place, with disconnection, fighting, and intimacy issues.
- You are contemplating divorce but would love to save your relationship if possible.
- You are engaged and want to take my marriage preparation class.
- You are single and ready to call in ‘the one’.
- You are in the wedding industry and want to get certified as a Marriage Planner or Marriage Mentor, which I offer to 20 professionals per designation.
- You have been dealing with depression, anxiety, addiction, trauma, loss, transition, self-confidence or body image challenges, or infidelity.
- You are personally struggling with your happiness, your relationship, your business, or even all three, and you’re ready to get the support you deserve.
- Your organization is struggling with employee burnout and you want to infuse more happiness, resiliency, and productivity into your company.
- You are looking for help to plan a wellness day or wellness week for your company.
- You are an event organizer looking for a professional speaker, especially an opening or closing keynote, or an interactive workshop, for your next big event.
- You would like to have a customized workshop for your small, medium, or large-sized group on topics relating to happiness, relationships, and success.
- You are looking for an expert guest to interview on your next television show, documentary film, radio show, or podcast, or to interview for your next book.
What’s unique about your marriage (couple/relationship) mentor services?
What makes my service different for my clients, is the inclusive support. Clients say it’s like being inside a warm hug for 90 days, because I offer you unlimited urgent text support in between all of your sessions, so you are fully cared for, especially in your darkest hours. Transforming a disconnected relationship takes real work and there are moments when couples want to throw in the towel, and maybe they would if left to their own devices. That’s why I am there for you so that you don’t need to suffer alone, or feel stuck, lost, scared and without a solution, skill, or the right mindset to move you forward. Also, I’ve been through what I am helping you through. So I not only have the training and have created the process to help you heal…I have lived the experience of being on the client-side, going on the healing journey first myself, so I could share with you what I learned along the way. I will help you cut through the long and ineffective typical solutions, and share with you what I know works fast, completely, and ongoingly. Lastly, as a wedding officiant, I love to help you renew your vows on your graduating session. What a beautiful way to complete 90 days of marriage/relationship coaching or counseling… to make new promises and step into your new and improved relationship with confidence.
Why relationships? What made you decide to target couples?
From as young as I can remember, I played dress-up in my mother’s wedding veil and wedding shoes. I have been in love with love, and all things about couples, relationships, and family, since I could walk and talk. But my passion for helping couples comes from a deeper place. I watched my parents struggle and stumble through a very tumultuous marriage, which made my childhood often loud, sad, scary, and unstable. I promised myself at the age of 9, that when I grew up and had my own family, I would do things differently, so my kids would not have to suffer the way I did, and the marriage would not be so toxic the way theirs was. However, I also watched them heal, grow, learn, adapt, soften and fall deeper in love as they now celebrate almost 49 years of marriage together.
In my first marriage, I chose a partner who was a match for my self-worth at the time, and it was a loud and unsafe marriage, that I left for mine and my son’s safety, when he was just a baby. I learned how crucial our own self-worth is, to the kind of partner we attract and allow in our lives. Boy did I heal fast and share what I learned with as many people as I could. When you know you’re a 10, you can create amazing relationships. When you think you’re awful, you can only create awful relationships.
Becoming a single mom was one of the best things that ever happened to me at the age of 27. Today, as we’re talking, I am 41 and have been blessed with my second husband for the last 11.5 years. But I had some growing, learning, and healing to do before I would be ready for the amazing love and amazing life. Once I got my head on straight, mastered my own happiness and self-worth, and raised my standards for love… I found my amazing husband, as a guest in the crowd when I was speaking at an event. When I no longer needed anyone to feel whole or complete, he arrived.
We built our relationship on the decades of preparation I learned from how NOT to do love, plus the best process for creating HAPPY LOVE and a healthy relationship. This is the process I created and now teach with passion, to my amazing clients. It’s called The I.D.E.A.L. Love Method, along with the 6 Secret Skills of Happy Couples. Blending my training from some of the best mentors in the world, my lived experience escaping domestic violence, and growing up as a child in a disastrous marriage that eventually healed and became wonderful, along with my own methods and tools… my couples coaching practice has helped thousands of couples to fall in love with each other all over again, and experience true healing.
At the very deepest part of me, I feel called to help couples because relationships are a great source of happiness or unhappiness, peace or chaos, fulfillment or emptiness, connection or loneliness. Helping couples means helping individuals love their lives, helping families thrive, helping children have stable parents, helping communities have good mentors for what is possible when healthy and happy love exists.
Today, I am blessed to be a happily married mom of three boys, and I am here to help couples have their happily ever after too.
What are some of the most common obstacles you see with couples today? List your top 10.
Most couples fight about similar things. In fact, I have identified the key parts of a healthy relationship, and these are 19 items that couples fight about. They include:
- Sex and Physical Closeness
- Intimacy and Romance
- Love and Kindness
- Division of Labour
- Forgiveness, Peace, and Closure
- Demeanor (including anger and attitude)
- Spousal Health which includes Mental Health
- Attraction and the factors that erode it
- Fun and Adventure
- HomeLife and Location
- Parenting or Family Values
- Habits (including addictions)
- Scheduling and Time Management
What I see the most often, are conflicts that stem from infidelity and trust issues, different family values, loss of intimacy, anger and toxic fighting, as well as non-closure from past traumatic events. Most couples also struggle on some level around financial styles, equitable division of labor, and all the aspects of healthy communication which include things like apologizing, requesting, negotiating, and connecting. Sex is an issue for many of the couples who hire me, and almost all of my clients had stopped dating each other before we started coaching/counseling.
A key complaint I hear is from a man or woman who feels deeply lonely, unseen, unappreciated, untouched, and uncherished… where they genuinely wonder if it is possible to get the good times back. Clients often ask me if the relationship is beyond repair, and whether or not they should leave. I give them the steps to help them arrive at their own decision.
Infidelity, studies say 75% of marriages end due to lack of individual commitment followed, very closely by infidelity at 59.6%. How do you determine if a marriage/relationship can be saved, what’s your approach to qualifying if a couple is saveable?
My clients who chose to stay together after infidelity, have better marriages now than they ever had before. They experience falling in love again, and for the first time in their relationship (and sometimes for the first time in their lives), they are totally vulnerable and open and happy. They’re honest about the ugliest secrets they kept from the world and each other—about how they were raised, what their fears are, and what it takes to help them feel safe, happy, and loved. It’s extraordinary to watch a couple heal and rewrite their love story. But long before I will help a couple heal, I have six conditions that must be met in order to take them on. If these conditions are not met, I don’t feel confident that their relationship will recover, or that it should be recovered.
Conditions and prerequisites for a marriage or relationship to have a good chance of healing after infidelity:
- The one who cheated is remorseful.
- The one who cheated takes full ownership of their actions.
- The one who cheated has cut off contact with whomever they engaged within adultery.
- The one who cheated is willing to give full disclosure and access to proof of information to their partner.
- The partner who was cheated on is willing to look at what their part might have been in co-creating the condition that existed before the infidelity.
- Both partners still want to be together and to work on their relationship, getting professional help.
I have met thousands of clients over the years who have gone through infidelity, and some of their relationships were not meant to recover from it, because without meeting the conditions above, the relationships would never be healthy. However, I have also witnessed countless couples getting a second chance, and getting it right—even some who got a fourth chance, and finally got it right.
So to determine whether or not a couple is savable, whether it is from infidelity or something entirely different, the key ingredients include:
- That they both want to make it work and are willing to do the work
- It is in BOTH of their highest good to stay together
- They love each other or are wanting to fall in love with each other again
- They each take ownership for what hurtful things they did and make amends
- They are working on their individual well being and not just the relationship
- They are both willing to move forward and NOT bring the past with them indefinitely. They seek closure and are pro-forgiveness.
For couples with children, should they stay in a marriage/relationship for the kids?
NO! Kids deserve to be raised by happy, calm, stable adults. If the current relationship produces the opposite of those attributes, then it does not do children any favors, to be subjected to a relationship that is miserable, tense, toxic, loveless, or abusive. Kids raised in two stable and happy homes, do better than kids who have one home, which is painful to live in.
Also, keep in mind that you are constantly role modeling for your children. Do you want them to learn from you, that it is okay to be treated poorly, and to stay? Do you want them to learn that they are not allowed to learn from a mistake, move on and exit an unhealthy relationship? At the same time, I do believe that kids deserve for their parents to have tried their very best, before deciding to end a relationship, and that means, getting professional help and doing relationship coaching/counseling before you throw in the towel. Trying your best is admirable. Staying endlessly in a miserable relationship, and saying it’s for the kids, is not. It is not an easy or light decision to make… but it should be made based on the core relationship, and not out of obligation to keep a defunct relationship together for the kids.
On average who do you see wanting to save the marriage…men or women?
OOH… this is a great question. The truth is, the person who is hurting more at the moment, is the one who is motivated to make things good again because for them it has become unbearable. It’s not about gender. It is the partner who has been cheated on that contacts me most of the time, not the one who did the cheating. It is typically the partner who has an angry spouse, and not the angry one who reaches out. If there has been abuse in the relationship, it is typically the abused and not the abuser, who is reaching out to me for help. Statistically, this is more often women than men, but really it comes down to who is hurting the most or who is contemplating leaving the relationship if we can’t resolve things in counseling/coaching.
What about same-sex couples, younger couples vs those that find love late in life, or inter-racial/inter-religion couples. Are the problems different for these couples? How…what are the normal challenges they would face?
Regardless of age, race, religion, sexual orientation, and whether a couple has met early or later in life… all couples struggle around the same key areas mentioned earlier (19 items). Additionally, for every couple, there are unique challenges too, such as managing the dynamics of blended families, blended cultures or faiths, and values. Not always, but often, younger couples who haven’t done their personal growth, may struggle as they figure out who they are as individuals, and how to be in the world, including managing finances, a household, and careers. But they are blessed to not yet be set in their ways and may benefit from vital health and sex drives, plus younger families with fewer demands on their relationship. Similarly, not always, but often, older couples may be set in their ways, fear having their space infringed upon, and have more baggage from previous or failed relationships, and may have aging parents to care for. But they are blessed to have finished “growing up” and tend to know who they are, have financial and emotional maturity, and possess the skills for managing a household. At the end of the day, relationships are as unique as fingerprints, and so are their challenges. While the themes a couple may fight about, are similar, their own struggle is deeply personal to them. I love supporting couples from diverse backgrounds, of any age, race, religion, or sexual orientation. Love is love.
You have a best seller called HAPPY LOVE, please tell us about it. How can people get a copy of your book?
My fourth book launched last year, and it is for couples who want to be in a great relationship, even if it currently seems impossible. HAPPY LOVE – The 5 Simple Steps to Help Frustrated Couples Fall in Love Again was created to ease your frustrations and help you create a healthy, happy relationship. Yes, you can… turn the challenging relationship you have into the thriving and happy relationship you crave and deserve. The book covers my proven 5-Step I.D.E.A.L. Love Method that I guide my private clients through, to completely redesign their relationships, including all 6 of the key tools for making your relationship extraordinary. The book is overflowing with practical tips, tools, processes, and activities, that you have never seen before.
You might be read this book because things are good in your relationship right now, and you just want to learn a few tips to make things even better with your partner. You might be read HAPPY LOVE because things have hit a bit of a funk, and you’re smart enough to un-funk yourselves before you really get into trouble. Sadly, but thankfully, many couples will be read HAPPY LOVE because they’re actually deciding if it’s even possible to restore and recover their relationship. Perhaps you’re going to read it as husband and wife, husband and husband, wife and wife, or life partners who are unmarried, or fiancés engaged to be married. Maybe you’re just dating, and you want to learn how to create a healthy future with your love. You can read it together as a couple, or perhaps you’re the only one that seems willing to work on your relationship right now, and one is better than none. No matter what place you’re in, how much love there is, or how much love seems to already be lost… you my friend have found the right book at the right time, and I’m here for you.
The book decodes the actual tools that I use with my private clients—the very tools that have changed thousands of relationships, marriages, and lives. You’ll have the opportunity at the end of every chapter to make notes, do some L.O.V.E. Work and use the companion website for ready-to-use worksheets and tools that you can download for free. Then, you’ll get to implement what you’ve just learned and watched your relationship begin to transform instantly. Feel the relief and achieve the connection you’ve been longing for… not after finishing the book, but rather while you are on the journey of reading it.
I know firsthand what it feels like when love is a mess. To go from where I was (unhappy, loveless, divorced) to where I am now (happily married with three amazing sons, and deeply in love), I used the same steps, methods, and tools that I am going to share with you, so I know they work. No matter what your past love experience is, no matter what your marriage or relationship role models have been, and no matter what has happened before… I am confident, if you apply the techniques in this book and get the support you deserve, that you will create a happy, healthy, thriving, lasting, fun, abundant, adventurous, fulfilling relationship. You deserve it, it is possible, and it is possible for YOU!
Please visit https://www.theliftedlid.com/services/happy-love-book and you can find all the information about the book. It’s available globally on Amazon, or locally in Halton Ontario Canada, you can pick up a personally signed copy, with a special message just for your relationship. To order a signed copy, please text 1-416-797-5856.
What are some of the programs you offer for couples?
There are many options that I offer for couples in need of support. From private coaching, signature workshops, retreats, and VIP Marriage Makeover Days… please visit https://www.theliftedlid.com/specialties/relationship-coach to learn more and to schedule a complimentary session. The best way to learn about what I can do to help you in your relationship, or your life, is to text 1-416-797-5856 and request a complimentary first coaching session. I will send you some questions to help you get the most benefit from our time together, and that way, we can get right into solutions for your challenges.
I am here for you and you don’t need to go through this alone. No matter how bleak things seem right now, you have options. Most of my clients come to me for the 90 days “Deepen Your Love” Coaching Program, and graduate, truly happy and in love! But, if staying together turns out not to be your best or chosen option, I will support you in designing your new life, and help you through the transition of separating.
What tips or advice can you offer our couples during crises like the pandemic?
Spend quality time together and spend quality time apart. You can’t be in each other’s space 24/7 and have all of it as quality time. You need to amp up your own self-care, mental wellness regimens and take care of your physical health, so that you have the expanded capacity to handle what the world is handling right now, with more ease.
Plan dates for your relationship and gets creative. There are plenty of ways to have fun as a couple and get connected, even during the pandemic. My husband and I love to go on nature walks, hikes, bike rides, or pop up our hammock overlooking the water and just be together. We plan romantic picnics, and we maximize our evenings once the kids go to bed. Think rom-com in the bedroom. I’ll light some candles, incense that helps the mood, I’ll put on a great sexy playlist, and make sure our door is locked LOL.
Just because it’s a pandemic, that does not mean you need to fall asleep in front of the couch every night in your tattered sweatsuit, or stretched-out PJs, with chip crumbs on your chest. Take a shower or bath, do your personal grooming, get fresh, and set the intention at least once a week for closeness on the home front. Closeness does not need to be sex, and could also include swapping massages, showering or bathing together, slow dancing, snuggling naked, and whatever feels right for both of you.
And don’t forget… turn off the news. Talk about things beyond the pandemic, work, kids, and finances. Turn off your phones and designate some tech-free windows in your daily schedule, so you can have eye contact and meaningful conversations. When you face your partner and line up heart to heart, eye to eye, facing them square on, you have a better chance of connecting than when you sit side by side, don’t make eye contact, and especially, when you are distracted by tech.
Lastly, if you want to get along better, set that as your intention. Choose things to do and ways to behave that support getting along and having good outcomes. You are one-half of the situation in your relationship, and even if you are the only one working to make things better, one is always better than none.
How can people get in touch with you for your services?
The best way to connect with me is by text message to 1-416-797-5856 or by visiting my website to learn more: www.TheLiftedLid.com
You can also connect with me on
Facebook at www.facebook.com/HaileyPatry or
LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/hailey-patry-theliftedlid/
A great next step is to text me and book a complimentary first coaching session with me. I’m here to support you. And if you’ve been dealing with infidelity or other struggles, please check out my blogs at https://www.theliftedlid.com/blog
Is there anything else you’ll like to share with the readers?
You deserve to be happy in love. Before you give up hope, let’s talk.
Thank you, Hailey, for taking time out to chat with us about healthy relationships for couples.
Thank you so much, Gracie, for spending your precious time with me, so that we can support more couples. I always have an amazing time when we are on the air together, running events or talking about who we will be helping next. You are my soul sister and I adore you. No wonder you are an incredible event planner, with a soft spot for the wedding industry… you care deeply for people to have amazing results and experiences.
Please contact Hailey Patry at The Lifted Lid for guidance on Happy Love in your relationship.
Continue to watch out for more interviews, tips, and advice from amazing experts like Hailey Patry. Hailey is a great friend and will return back for further discussion and will be involved with upcoming events with us, stay tuned!
Hailey, as usual, it’s been a pleasure!
Until next time,
Check out the video chat between Hailey and Gracie:
To learn more about The Lifted Lid by visiting www.theliftedlid.com